Notes from South Africa: Jan. 2003

so... i'm back in the country after a month in s. af... i can't even begin to tell you all how amazing it was, but i'll try... b/c thats how i am... so just remember as you are reading this that you have to multiply by about 500 billion and thats how much i really learned.

so i was there studying the truth and reconciliation commission - which, for those of you who dont know, is an initial attempt at nation rebuilding after apartheid (like segregation in the us) for s. af.

i dont know what you all know about s. af. history, but i learned a great deal more than i already did on this trip (even though i had taken classes on it before)... but the majority of what i learned was not as easy as dates and names...

we really struggled with understanding the basic concepts of justice, forgiveness, reconciliation, amnesty, and whether or not things like reconciliation were possible without forgiveness, and whether or not forgiveness was possible without repentance on the part of the perpetrator... i would love to explain to you all what the trc is about and what i concluded, but i'm not sure everyone would be interested... so if you want to know more about it email me back and i'll tell you.

i also learned a great deal about the us. i was hoping through examining the trc and the like in south africa i would have better ideas about how to make reparations here and how to reconcile our nation. racism in s. af. is just like it is here, but its funny how hard it is for people to make that connection. the difference in economic standing, in education opportunities, the attitudes of white people, are so similar. i was amazed at the range of white thinking going from "black people are poor and dont need better housing b/c thats how black people are - they are happy like that" and "black people have aids because they are promiscuous and practice polygamy" to "affirmative action is necessary to fix mistakes of the past". unfortunately more attitudes mimic the first statements. and a lot of white people, when drunk, are afraid that they will be kicked out of the country. i'm confident that they will not be. black south africans are much more forgiving than one would think is possible. there is an attitude of forgiveness and a real forward looking nature of the people. everyone is so inspiring. people are developing in their own communities and making a great deal of progress. i could really write forever on race issues and everything, but i probably will lose some readers, so let me know if you want to hear more...

the constitution was also amazing. the entire basis is on human rights and acceptance of others. it is so beautiful. i just hope that people get to the point where they live what is written. depending on the city one is in, and the people you are talking to, it really seems as if things could work.

we did a lot of things, and talked to a lot of people. we met with people who had been freedom fighters, we met with people who had done some awful things to others. members of different political orgs such as the ANC, PAC, IFP, NP and the like. we even met with commissioners on the TRC. i made some pretty awesome friends who were fighting for their communities and their rights - the leader of the ginsberg youth movement (ginsberg is a township, that was sent up after the forced removal of black people from a city called king williamstown, townships were set up so that black people could work for the white people who had taken over their land). and i met a really awesome guy named daniel who was working at a church - we had good talks about the UN, the IMF, World Bank, etc. We also met with some former MK's (militant wing of the ANC - freedom fighters) and they were amazing people, i learned so much from them.

for the sake of boring some people i will stop writing now. but things i will take away from this trip are numerous. i wish that i could show you all what s. af. was like. i think it would make a lot of people rethink the things they buy, the stores they patronize, what they think of globalization, what they think of the war with iraq, racism, etc. the nation of s. af. is a nation in transition. people are very politically minded and interested in the sake of their country. everyone knows what is going on in the world, and has their own ideas of what should happen. i loved it so much, and i'm going to apply to schools there. i would love to go back and study human rights in a nation that is so focused on providing these rights to people, and that cares so much for people world wide. yeah, i know that i'm drawing on a few people, and not everyone in the country, but compared to the US it seems like everyone cares, and at least the government is focused on these things...

so yeah, i just wanted to share a few things about my trip and to tell everyone i miss them and love them.

peace, krissy

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ok, i decided i needed to send a sequel, complete with a couple of major events...

so, there are two things that really touched me that can be described as being events, rather than processes, as i was trying to explain in the last email...

1. during the first part of break we were in johannesburg, and we also traveled to a couple townships - Sweto, Alexandra - and afterwards we had our debriefing session. it was so awesome to see people take interest in the stuff that i do at school. people were talking about all the things we try to get people to talk about... differnet race issues, different economic issues, different global issues... and then people kept asking me about differnet topics, and i got to talk with people who were really interested and learning about everything i care so much about, and it was soooo nice...

2. this one is not so happy... here is the story. Val (Sigwalt), Julie (Bach), Andy (Nelson) and I were in a Thai take away restaurant (everyone else was eating at more global chains, and i dont really like to patronize global enterprizes) so... we ordered our food and paid and were waiting for our food to be ready. all of the sudden, out of the corner of my eye i see the sixty year old, white man who owned the restaurant running down the street, chasing an 8 year old black boy with a 6 foot long whip. i couldn't breathe, my heart was racing... i looked at julie and said "i have to leave, we have to leave" and so we walked out. we went to the place next store (some fish thing). they were talking, but i was in a state of tunnel thinking and could only hear my thoughts echoing through the room. all of the sudden i realized that the owner was not going to be hurt or understand our actions... so i decided we needed to go back and get the food, and give it to the kid. so we went back and got our food, and called the kid and his two friends to us. we gave the kids the food, in front of the owner. then i told the owner why we were doing that. i was so angry and so upset, my voice was shaking, i was sweating, my heart racing. all i could say is "you dont whip people, you dont whip people" he was arguing that the kids stole from him and harrassed his customers. i told him that that is no excuse to whip kids and that there are plenty of other things you could do, call the police, etc. and that you dont whip people. he kept talking, but i couldnt' hear anything, and i was so shaken up i kind of walked away. i went and talked to the kids and told them that we gave it to them because they never deserved to be whipped, and i also told them that they shouldnt' steal from the guy. they said that they didn't steal, they just asked people for money. i said not to do it in front of his store, and then we left...

after that we got in the car with a woman who reminded me of merle from --the chosen place, the timeless people - this woman talked and talked and talked. she was like a 60 year old white lady and was supposed to take us to a church to meet with some people. she didn't know where this church was. val and julie and i were in the car with her. she kept telling us to lock our doors b/c we were in the bad part of town, we didn't listen... and she had her window wide open, even though her door was locked... we pretty much chalked her fear up to racism... and it was quite interesting that she pulled over every two blocks to ask for directions... we didn't ever get to meet with the people we were supposed to, instead one of the vans broke down, she was lost, and we all were tired and confused... it was a messy day.

there is so much to say to reflect on all of this. all i could/can picture when i think about everything is the image of that man in the store. what kind of world allows people to grow up and think it is ok to whip someone else b/c they are hungry? to whip anyone at all? what makes us so selfish that we will defend our things from those who need it more, to that extreme level? seriously, it makes me so sad... its so similar to the us in general, in my mind. protecting ourselves to the extent of putting no value on the lives and livelihood of others. for some reason the american lifestyle is more important than the lives of others. it is more important for us to have oil or cheap goods, than it is for someone else to be able to spend time with their family, or live at all. does that make sense? ahhh... this world is a mess... but together we can change it.

ok, i could go on forever, as you all know... so i will stop

i love you

peace, krissy

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ok i lied, i have one more to send... i decided that i was being too nice in my first two and didn't really talk about some of the most important issues in s. af.

we met with this man who was an mk in the anc. he honesty, to the core, hated what had been done to him and was not about to let someone tell him who he had to forgive, and why he had to forgive them. he was the most inspirational and honest and beautiful person i met on this trip. he was right. no one should tell him to do those things. it is a personal decision that only he can make for himself. but at the same time he doesn't want to kill whitey. he let us in, he let us say stupid and ignorant things, he gave me a big hug b/c he thought i was brave (i'm not entirely sure why). all he wants is justice and peace. he wants to have what white people have, because black people deserve it too. he is right. i dont think he should have to forgive. if he can openly do so, more power to him, but if he can't, no one should be asking him to. and regardless of whether or not his heart is able to forgive, he should have all the things he wants. whitey shouldn't have 80% of the resources with only 13% of the population. its absurd. so beautiful, i think that there is a difference between openinly forgiving, and wanting to kill and ambush. same goes for the US. white poeple shouldn't maintain the power positions as we do, you cant expect people, who have been pushed down for 400 years to suddenly be able to compete with the rest of us. it doesn't make sense... we'll get to that later.

yassir (this guy) realized that most white people didn't know about what they had been apart of just b/c there were white. and he realized that they were taught to believe the racist things they believed. however, i> dont think thats a legit excuse anymore. white people in s. af. need to know by now what they had a part of (as do white people here). it was all over the media stations, whitey just didn't listen. so now i think the white people who did listen have a serious job of waking up the rest of the white people and not allowing them to deny all of this any longer. its absurd. sometimes i get so frustrated b/c who am i? i am white. i am the root of all this evil. i have no right to claim to be better than anyone (and i really dont think i am, but when you try to tell people things like this they assume you think that - or so it seems). and i dont know more that any white person about this stuff. i've never had to face it first hand, all i know is from listening and watching and> studying, but it isnt the same i'm a mess and i feel like most of the time i have no right to be involved in this struggle. but i cant give up b/c so much of it is my doing. my whiteness does it for me. and i feel that it is what i am supposed to do with my life. how can you just sit by if you know something is so unfair?

most white people are are able to live in denial b/c it suits them. that is what we need to to change. val says that the struggle for black people is different. she thinks that black people dont need to> talk t o whitey as a primary step b/c they have a lot more legit concenrs that they need to face first (equal education, equal access to jobs, equal access to social areans, fighting unjust stereotpyes, the list could go on forever). many of those are ones that white people can't do, b/c black people need to do them for themselves, b/c they can do it themselves, and who, after 400 years of (continuing) oppression, wants the oppressor to turn around and "help", how patronizing.

val asked me what my whiteness means to me. and its a hard question to answer, but it did make me think a lot about white priviledge. and as a closing point i want to give you all a few things to think about (the list gets much longer and much more complex than i can right here)

because i'm white i:
am able to speak for myself and not represent a large group of people in my actions
am able to represent my self and not be represented by others who look like me
am able to turn on the tv and see people who look like me
am able to go to a hotel and have shampoo that works for my hair
am able to go to the store and by things that work for my hair and skin
am able to have bandaids match my skin (classic example, i know)
am able to walk through a crowd and not be noticed if i dont want to be
am able to make friends with people and believe the friendship is legit and that they aren't just excited about me b/c i'm different
same for relationships, i'm never an exotic "other"
am able to live on land that used to belong to someone whose skin is darker than mine
am able to live that way b/c the economic system is build on a legacy of slavery, without which me, and most people in the us, would have very little of what they have right now.
am able to share my concerns and not have people think its b/c i'm black and overreacting to race issues
am able to get a job/ go to a good school and not have my accomplishments dimminished b/c of affirmative action (which doesn't work that way anyway!!!)

now i can think of about 100 more things that my skin allows me to do, but i will give it a rest, b/c i'm sure that not everyone is ready for me to explode like that here...

anyway, i'll see you all in a few days, and i would love to talk about all of this with anyone interested, especially those of you who hated this letter.

love and peace, krissy